Conversation overheard by civilian airliner on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai.
Iranian Air Defence Site: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a British aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defence Site: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a Royal Air Force GR4 Tornado fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defence Site: ( .... total silence)
I was reading a News report last night about an RAF Typhoon pilot, who has been arrested & is being held, following a "Blue on Blue" incident in Afghanistan ..
ReplyDeleteIt would seem that the RAF pilot spotted two flying carpets, somewhere near Lashkhar Gar & decided to engage them with "Sidewinder" missiles ..
Both carpets were shot down & destroyed .. but initial crash investigations have revealed them to be Allied Carpets ..
Ahh the old ones are the best. Reminds me of the classic below. I can only hope that it was a real event. Sadly, I suspect not:
ReplyDeleteThe following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship and The British authorities, off the Scottish North coast. The transcript was subsequently released by the MoD.
BRITISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.
US Navy: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
BRITISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Navy: This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
BRITISH: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
US NAVY: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
BRITISH: We are a lighthouse. Your choice.
On a visit to Heathrow Airport some years ago (I won't go into the details as to why we were there) .. we were travelling in a Police vehicle, which was monitoring the "Ground Movements" frequency ..
ReplyDeleteA recently landed JAL 747 was directed to its Stand, but the crew misunderstood & overshot the appropriate Cul-de-Sac ..
The Ground Movements Controller advised them that they'd missed their alloted parking Stand and instructed them to taxi round again ..
When an American voice came over the ether to the effect ..
"The bastards didn't miss Pearl Harbour though" ..
And that is a true story ...
My keyboard is now covered in Coffee.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
@ Scan - lots of clips on YouTube of that one!
ReplyDeleteAnother flying related story:
Heathrow Tower to very senior BA captain "Sir, just to let you know that you were slightly left of the centre line during that landing"
Captain replies "That is correct, and my co-pilot was slightly to the right of the centre line"
Ouch!!!
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":
ReplyDeleteSpeedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type of aircraft though, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."
For some reason the above posting missed off my identity. Sorrrrrry.
ReplyDeleteAs I'm here, I might as well add:-
A Pan Am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa: Boden, was unsere Anfangsabstandszeit ist?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
Great post ... really 'made oi larf', red wine dribbling out the nostrils, small wee and everything.
ReplyDeleteComments funny as fuck too!
Thanks ;-)
Overheard on the air to ground frequency of a provincial US airport - "Unknown airfield with a Cessna 150 circling overhead, please identify yourself"
ReplyDeleteIt should be noted that pilots never get lost, they merely become " temporarily unsure of position"...
I've heard that in the more effete Cavalry Regiments, its known as being "Geographically embarrassed" Dave .. ;)
ReplyDeleteWhereas, in my Corps it was oft said that the two most dangerous things in the world were .. An Officer with a map .. and a Matelot with a loaded firearm ..
Over heard in german super market.geordie girl telling her small child who was sat in the shopping trolley no you cannot have any sweets if you ask again you will get a smack.goerdie girl gets to till little girl grabs a bag of sweets from the till sweet stand wallop girl gets slapped on the leg
ReplyDeleteGerman girl on the till says in Germany we don't slap our kinder
George girl replies in Newcastle we don't gas our Jews