tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3508346572086151757.post9091902148391546798..comments2024-01-09T00:39:13.955+00:00Comments on Oh what NOW!: Out of the mouths……………………Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3508346572086151757.post-53848953983205100942011-09-11T18:21:29.513+01:002011-09-11T18:21:29.513+01:00Me and the missus are still laughing.Me and the missus are still laughing.bollixednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3508346572086151757.post-43525916796627621102011-09-08T16:54:15.688+01:002011-09-08T16:54:15.688+01:00Some belters in that lot!Some belters in that lot!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3508346572086151757.post-69170094523382575742011-09-07T23:40:56.007+01:002011-09-07T23:40:56.007+01:00@ Gristle "..its going to take the contagious...@ <b>Gristle</b> "..its going to take the contagious" How have I lived 55 years without coming upon that? Priceless.bannedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02406037760273820029noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3508346572086151757.post-42113254934458499682011-09-07T14:53:27.555+01:002011-09-07T14:53:27.555+01:00One afternoon a little girl returned from school, ...One afternoon a little girl returned from school, and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from.<br />Amused and curious the mother replied, "Really sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"<br />The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the Mommy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy's thing sort of stands up, and then Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of just does stuff, and that's where babies come from!"<br />Her Mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said, "Oh, darling that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from, that's where jewellery comes from.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3508346572086151757.post-84540738598995464722011-09-07T14:13:10.239+01:002011-09-07T14:13:10.239+01:00Teacher asks the class if they can think of a sent...Teacher asks the class if they can think of a sentence including the word 'contagious'.<br /><br />Little Johnny volunteers: "You can get diseases that are easy to catch and so they are contagious"<br />Good says the teacher.<br /><br />Little Mary is next: When my Mum laughs it seems to make everyone else laugh too, my Dad says her laugh is contagious"<br />Very good says the teacher.<br /><br />"What about you" ? the teacher asks little Billy from Belfast.<br /><br />"Well" he says "Me Dad reckons the fella next door is painting his fence with a half inch brush and its going to take the contagious"gristlenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3508346572086151757.post-38092636746085300982011-09-07T10:56:37.222+01:002011-09-07T10:56:37.222+01:00The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignme...The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.<br /><br />Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"<br /><br />"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.<br /><br />"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"<br /><br />"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"<br /><br />"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."<br /><br />"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"<br /><br />"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."<br /><br />"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"<br /><br />"Don't fuck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."Curmudgeonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02558747878308766840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3508346572086151757.post-25814013169692103692011-09-07T09:53:22.473+01:002011-09-07T09:53:22.473+01:00Some great ones in that lot.Some great ones in that lot.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com